Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
