i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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