Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize