my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
