No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
what day is it and did you see me today?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
