Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
