apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
