Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
