Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
