I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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