I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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