What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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