I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
