i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
