ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
