OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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