I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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