i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
