he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
