hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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