you would pick up someone in the library
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
