ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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