This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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