we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
