First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
