You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
