Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
