yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
