i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
