It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
