It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
