:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
