summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
