Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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