Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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