Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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