didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
