Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Randomize
