so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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