the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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