Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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