I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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