i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
