don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
