Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize