Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm really into asian looking animals
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
