I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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