I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
