so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
