Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
