He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
