It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i now understand why vodka
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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