the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
