I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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