i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
