I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
