I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
