If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
