and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize