Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
