I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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