im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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