Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
