The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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