saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
